On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
