he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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