doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize