At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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