You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize