I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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