Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
