Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
