I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
