I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
