i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize