I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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