I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
