just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
