absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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