guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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