My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
In other news, I just burned my penis
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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