Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
