So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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