oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
