He is such a slut. More and more my type.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
