So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
