i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
soo... how was my night?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
