Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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