I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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