u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
