I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
