Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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