Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My vagina just recognized that song.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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