I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize