We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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