Got a toothbrush?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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