OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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