Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
