paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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