Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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