Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
