he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She told me I should be a condom model.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
