2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
