Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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