I faked an abortion last night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
