Yo dont text me then not text me
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
