As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
