what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
