Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
