You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
