Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
