3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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