My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize