just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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