Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
