Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
