I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
