ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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