He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
