im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize