I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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