She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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