this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I skipped work to stalk him.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
