I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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