just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
