so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
