What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
sarcasm needs its own font
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
