thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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