i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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