From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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