Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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