You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
