My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
A bitchslap is in order.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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