Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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