dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize